| Why did the golfer bring two pants to the tornament? | Because he had a hole in one! |
| How do you spell hard water with three letters? | Second Row, Second Column
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| What smells most in the kitchen? | Your Nose. |
| What has four eyes, but can not see? | Mississippi. |
| What is a tall pile of cats? | A "Meow"-tain. |
| What does letuce become a salad? | When it is dressed. |
| What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover? | A rash of good luck. |
| What do you get when you cross a praying mantis with a termite? | An insect that will say Grace before it eats your house. |
| What time of day was Adam born? | Just a little bit before Eve. |
| Why are New Yorkers always depressed? | Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey. |
| What do you call a cow without any legs? | Ground Beef. |
| What can go up the chimney down but can't go down the chimmney up? | An umbrella. |
| Why are there fences around cemetaries? | Because people are dying to get in! |
| What did the blanket say to the bed sheet? | "I've got you covered." |
| Why don't the British build computers? | Because they can't figure out how to make them leak oil. |
| How did Hitler tie his shoes? | With little Nazis |
| What did the cheerleader say to the ghost? | Show your spirit! |
| How do you make holy water? | You boil the hell out of it. |
| What did the fish say when he swam into the brick wall? | DAM! |
| What do you get when you mix Viagra and Rogaine? | Don King |
| How did Burger King get Wendys pregnant? | He forgot to wrap his whopper. |
| Why did the orange go to the doctor? | It didn't peel good. |
| What do you call a piece of cheese that isn't yours? | Notcho cheese. |
| What do you call a pig that knows karate? | Pork Chop. |
| Why is six afraid of seven? | Because seven eight nine. |
| What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? | Frostbite. |
| What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie? | A dog that rips your leg off the runs for help. |
| Why did the football coach go to the bank? | To get his quarterback. |
| What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl? | "Come behind the pyramid and I'll make you a mummy." |
| What did the tree say to Sonny Bono when he ran into it? | "I got you Babe." |
| What's big and green, has six legs, and if it falls out of a tree on you, it will kill you? | A pool table. |
Riddles 